Many men from all walks of life come to my Devotional Tantra Massage or Embodied Sexual Coaching sessions and share their feelings of shame and difficulty in:

• not getting an erection
• not holding an erection
• inability to ejaculate
• ejaculating earlier than they want

The thing that nearly all of these men have in common is:

• that they discovered masturbation at a young age
• they noticed that when they did certain things, other things happened, some were good, and some were great
• they then did the great stuff…over and over and over again!
• they probably also did this in secret. God forbid that Mum or Dad or anyone else might discover them! It was hidden, enjoyed in total privacy, and as a result, they had to be effective and fast, and so that’s what they did
• they may also have heard stories such as ‘playing with yourself can make you go blind’!

They are likely to have been impacted (consciously or unconsciously) by religious or social dogma into believing that stimulating your own genitals for pleasure or arousal is a sign of perversion, deviance or is in some way unhealthy.

What these men didn’t know was…that what they were doing as a boy or teenager would set them up for a potential lifetime of early ejaculation.

If you want to avoid or counter this, then you must change your technique so you can rewire your parasympathetic nervous system so that your body responds differently to touch.

Task: Think about how long, on average, you would like to last in bed?

Now, make your masturbation last that long. So, if you want to last 15 minutes then part of the solution is 15 mins of masturbation every time before release.

Simple but not easy.

In Devotional Tantra Massage I invite sensation and pleasure to the whole body, and I mean the whole body including your ears, your elbows and your buttocks. I include touch to the genitals (if desired) and then explore other areas of your body so as to avoid the typical fixation of arousal and pleasure being just in the genitals. This dispersal encourages full body pleasure. Woo hoo!

I also make time so you can feel and experience your self which is why sessions are 2 to 3 hours long.

In Embodied Sexual Coaching sessions for men, I guide you in techniques, breathwork, embodiment and mindset to shift from early ejaculation to delayed ejaculation, giving you and your partner all the time you need.

If you want to find out more about lasting longer in bed, get in touch so we can talk about a holistic approach to your sexual expression in line with your desires and your values.

In the meantime, re-visit the task, set a timer, try different strokes, and include touch to other areas of your body. When you feel you’re getting close, pause, take your hands off and breathe deeply.  Remember to obey your timer, and enjoy…take your time.

It will need practice, but it will be so worth it.

Dedicated to your extraordinary sexual expression through Devotional Tantra Massage and Embodied Sexual Coaching sessions.

Harmony x

I am a mother.

Becoming a mother was one of the biggest, best and most challenging gifts I have been given.

I touched both my babies as soon as they were born. I breast fed them on demand.

They shared our bed. I cuddled them whenever I could.

I didn’t know I was meeting my need to touch by touching my babies. The indirect path.

My touch diminished with my partner as I generously gave my love and my touch to my children.

I didn’t know I was contributing to that.

That I was seeking and receiving unconditional love from my babies and withdrawing from my partner.

I wasn’t receiving touch from my partner and to be honest I wasn’t missing it (or so I thought).

I became closed, shut down and disconnected from him and me.

I wasn’t receiving or requesting emotional or sexual touch.

And the longer I didn’t get it, the less I realised I needed it.

As my children get older, they don’t need touch in the same ways. One lives away now.

My relationship didn’t make it.

If you are a single mother does anything here ring true for you? Maybe or maybe not. We are all different.

It may also be that you need loving connected touch but do not want a relationship right now. That’s fine. We are here at Four-handed Massage and Devotional Tantra Massage if you feel to call.

I am now in a new relationship. Mutual touch and sexual connection are a number one priority for me. When we are not experiencing both of these regularly, I know that we are not fully connected. We talk and take action to bring us close together again.

If you are a woman, or mother or a man who recognises this in yourself, your wife or partner, do get in touch.

What’s getting in the way? And what, if anything, do you want to do about this?

In dedication to loving touch, and celebratory devotion.

💝Harmony

Find out more about…

Four-handed Massage with the team

Devotional Tantra Massage with Harmony

Couples Sessions (with Peter and Harmony)

Embodied Sexual Coaching with Harmony Isgolde

This last year or so has been a BIG hit for people who live alone.

Alongside our cultural identity of independence, many people enjoy their own space and privacy while living alone.

We also have societal rules on who and how we touch, and over the last 18 months the opportunity for meaningful touch has been taken away to a degree that we may never have imagined possible.

This has left many people feeling lonely, anxious and more isolated as well as disconnected from their bodies.

Touch is powerful healing antidote which counteracts this sense of isolation. See our ‘Who Deserves Touch’ post for more on this.