The thing that nearly all of these men have in common is:
that they discovered masturbation at a young age
they noticed that when they did certain things, other things happened, some were good, and some were great
they then did the great stuff…over and over and over again!
they probably also did this in secret. God forbid that Mum or Dad or anyone else might discover them! It was hidden, enjoyed in total privacy, and as a result, they had to be effective and fast, and so that’s what they did
they may also have heard stories such as ‘playing with yourself can make you go blind’!
They are likely to have been impacted (consciously or unconsciously) by religious or social dogma into believing that stimulating your own genitals for pleasure or arousal is a sign of perversion, deviance or is in some way unhealthy.
What these men didn’t know was…that what they were doing as a boy or teenager would set them up for a potential lifetime of early ejaculation.
If you want to avoid or counter this, then you must change your technique so you can rewire your parasympathetic nervous system so that your body responds differently to touch.
Task: Think about how long, on average, you would like to last in bed?
Now, make your masturbation last that long. So, if you want to last 15 minutes then part of the solution is 15 mins of masturbation every time before release.
Simple but not easy.
In Devotional Tantra Massage I invite sensation and pleasure to the whole body, and I mean the whole body including your ears, your elbows and your buttocks. I include touch to the genitals (if desired) and then explore other areas of your body so as to avoid the typical fixation of arousal and pleasure being just in the genitals. This dispersal encourages full body pleasure. Woo hoo!
I also make time so you can feel and experience yourself which is why sessions are 2 to 3 hours long.
In Embodied Sexual Coaching sessions for men, I guide you in techniques, breathwork, embodiment and mindset to shift from early ejaculation to delayed ejaculation, giving you and your partner all the time you need.
If you want to find out more about lasting longer in bed, get in touch so we can talk about a holistic approach to your sexual expression in line with your desires and your values.
In the meantime, re-visit the task, set a timer, try different strokes, and include touch to other areas of your body. When you feel you’re getting close, pause, take your hands off and breathe deeply. Remember to obey your timer, and enjoy…take your time.
It will need practice, but it will be so worth it.